1 00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:03,474 Announcer: next into The shark tank is mindy jelline, 2 00:00:03,474 --> 00:00:05,476 With a new take On roller skates. 3 00:00:05,476 --> 00:00:07,438 [ imitates Tires screeching ] 4 00:00:07,438 --> 00:00:08,739 [ all chuckle ] 5 00:00:08,739 --> 00:00:10,111 Hello, sharks. 6 00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:12,113 How many times Have you asked yourself, 7 00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:14,515 "Why can't there be A motorized roller skate 8 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,087 That's also solar-powered?" 9 00:00:16,087 --> 00:00:17,518 Barbara: never. 10 00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,420 Never have I Or anyone on the planet 11 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:20,491 Asked that question. 12 00:00:20,491 --> 00:00:22,123 Debbie: You tell her, barbara. 13 00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:24,425 So, just to be clear, The woman with the skates 14 00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:26,227 Is trying to convince Those sharks 15 00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:28,028 To invest in her idea? Exactly. 16 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,431 And we're the aliens, And they're the humans. Ha! 17 00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:31,662 Here's a job for me. 18 00:00:31,662 --> 00:00:34,305 $1,400 a month To be a two-bedroom, one-bath. 19 00:00:34,305 --> 00:00:36,637 No, no, no, no, no. That's real estate. 20 00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:37,808 Oh. Sorry. 21 00:00:37,808 --> 00:00:39,039 It's all right, larry. 22 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,471 You'll find the right job For you, 23 00:00:40,471 --> 00:00:42,273 Just like debbie weaver's Going to find 24 00:00:42,273 --> 00:00:44,075 The right idea For her small business. 25 00:00:44,075 --> 00:00:45,676 I'll tell you, I have a dream 26 00:00:45,676 --> 00:00:47,718 About having a business That is so good 27 00:00:47,718 --> 00:00:50,721 That I get to go on "Shark tank" And the sharks start fighting 28 00:00:50,721 --> 00:00:52,583 About who gets to invest In it. Mm. 29 00:00:52,583 --> 00:00:54,655 Well, If wishes were fishes. 30 00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:58,759 But how do you suppose I could be hired to be a shark? 31 00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:01,492 I'm wonderful At judging people. 32 00:01:01,492 --> 00:01:03,394 I live To shoot down dreams, 33 00:01:03,394 --> 00:01:04,735 And I look great In a fancy chair. 34 00:01:04,735 --> 00:01:06,497 It's a perfect fit. 35 00:01:06,497 --> 00:01:08,769 Well, you also have to Be super-successful, And you have to have 36 00:01:08,769 --> 00:01:12,072 Your own money to invest. Oh, she manages a salsa castle For a month, 37 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,474 And suddenly She thinks she's oprah. 38 00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:16,807 At least I'm not the biggest Embarrassment on the block. 39 00:01:16,807 --> 00:01:18,249 Isn't that right, Marty? 40 00:01:19,810 --> 00:01:21,482 Marty: Oh, no. Put -- damn it. 41 00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:22,583 I just died. 42 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:23,454 Raithra? 43 00:01:23,454 --> 00:01:24,815 Can you hear me, Raithra? 44 00:01:24,815 --> 00:01:27,358 No one kills lord varquad And gets away with it. 45 00:01:27,358 --> 00:01:28,319 You hear me? 46 00:01:28,319 --> 00:01:30,361 This guy raithra -- [ scoffs ] 47 00:01:30,361 --> 00:01:33,394 He's named his headset. No, it's a real person, larry, Okay? I'm playing online. 48 00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,396 Oh, that's so much Less sad. 49 00:01:35,396 --> 00:01:36,797 Raithra's been My mortal enemy 50 00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:38,399 Since "Wizards of war ii" Came out. 51 00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:39,670 You mark my words, 52 00:01:39,670 --> 00:01:42,133 I am going to beat him At this game this weekend 53 00:01:42,133 --> 00:01:43,504 If it is the last thing I do. 54 00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:46,477 Oh, this is A total waste of time. 55 00:01:46,477 --> 00:01:47,678 It's like they're Talking to you, marty. 56 00:01:47,678 --> 00:01:49,780 Yeah, it's like We're on "Shark tank." 57 00:01:49,780 --> 00:01:51,642 Oh, wouldn't that Be fun? 58 00:01:51,642 --> 00:01:52,813 Us on "Shark tank." 59 00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:53,814 Mm, sounds fun. 60 00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:55,816 Too bad That could never happen. 61 00:01:59,390 --> 00:02:01,121 ♪♪♪ 62 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:04,755 ♪ we came from outer space And settled in new jersey ♪ 63 00:02:04,755 --> 00:02:08,599 ♪ we took names like larry bird And jackie joyner-kersee ♪ 64 00:02:08,599 --> 00:02:10,761 ♪ then the humans Moved next door ♪ 65 00:02:10,761 --> 00:02:13,133 ♪ started testing All our limits ♪ 66 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,905 ♪ so sit right down, Enjoy the show ♪ 67 00:02:14,905 --> 00:02:18,509 ♪ we'll be done in 30 minutes ♪ 68 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,912 I'm so excited For our movie date! Oh, me too. 69 00:02:21,912 --> 00:02:23,314 You guys are the only ones 70 00:02:23,314 --> 00:02:25,145 Who appreciate katherine heigl The way I do. 71 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,547 She seems so nice. 72 00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:28,579 I just want to be friends With her. Hey, lord varquad, 73 00:02:28,579 --> 00:02:30,921 We got to drop max off At his sleepover on the way. 74 00:02:30,921 --> 00:02:32,923 Your minivan's leaving in 10. Wrap it up. 75 00:02:32,923 --> 00:02:36,257 Whoa, abby, slow it down! 76 00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:37,388 I can't. 77 00:02:37,388 --> 00:02:38,859 The preteen dance finals Are this weekend, 78 00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:41,232 And I'm way behind On working on our routine. 79 00:02:41,232 --> 00:02:43,794 What is A preteen dance final? 80 00:02:43,794 --> 00:02:45,165 No, no, wife. 81 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,937 Don't ask that question Or we'll get derailed, 82 00:02:46,937 --> 00:02:49,169 And I do not want to miss The trailers. 83 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,501 The preteen Dance finals is -- 84 00:02:50,501 --> 00:02:52,573 It's when a group of girls Is forced to cover themselves 85 00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,805 In glitter and jump around Like trained monkeys. 86 00:02:54,805 --> 00:02:56,907 Shut up, amber! Dial it back, Disney channel. 87 00:02:56,907 --> 00:02:58,749 Girls! You two are sisters. 88 00:02:58,749 --> 00:03:00,881 You are supposed to support Each other. 89 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:03,214 I wish I had a sister I could see every day. 90 00:03:03,214 --> 00:03:05,216 Debbie, I'll be Your everyday sister. 91 00:03:05,216 --> 00:03:07,758 Oh, jackie! 92 00:03:07,758 --> 00:03:10,190 Okay, can the lesbian express Kick it into high gear? 93 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,962 We gots to go. Okay. 94 00:03:11,962 --> 00:03:14,295 The snacks are loaded. 95 00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:17,468 You sure you don't want to bring Your favorite food group? 96 00:03:17,468 --> 00:03:18,669 Red. I wish. 97 00:03:18,669 --> 00:03:20,971 I tried to sneak a bottle in To get me through 98 00:03:20,971 --> 00:03:23,304 That smurf sequel That max insisted on seeing. 99 00:03:23,304 --> 00:03:24,605 Got busted. 100 00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,537 They put me in mall jail With two teenage potheads. 101 00:03:26,537 --> 00:03:27,938 I felt like A smurfin' idiot. 102 00:03:27,938 --> 00:03:29,710 No. 103 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:32,212 It's just abby's juice pouch For me. 104 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:36,247 You know, what if you lined Your purse with this stuff 105 00:03:36,247 --> 00:03:38,919 And then you poured wine Into it, 106 00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:41,352 Made your purse A wine pouch? 107 00:03:41,352 --> 00:03:42,853 That's actually genius. 108 00:03:42,853 --> 00:03:46,497 Also possibly an indication Of a larger drinking problem. 109 00:03:46,497 --> 00:03:48,399 Yeah, and then you put a straw In the strap 110 00:03:48,399 --> 00:03:50,301 And you could have a beverage All day long. 111 00:03:50,301 --> 00:03:50,901 Call it the bev bag. 112 00:03:50,901 --> 00:03:51,802 [ gasps ] Debbie, 113 00:03:51,802 --> 00:03:53,534 That's Your "Shark tank" idea. 114 00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:56,337 No. I'm just thinking Out loud. 115 00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:57,808 Varquad! [ claps hands ] 116 00:03:57,808 --> 00:03:59,670 I'm driving! Let's go! 117 00:03:59,670 --> 00:04:02,443 ♪♪♪ 118 00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:04,445 ♪ got to have it, Got to have it ♪ 119 00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:05,816 ♪ it's a wonderful thing ♪ 120 00:04:05,816 --> 00:04:07,247 ♪ because I dream it And I think it ♪ 121 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,420 ♪ and it's all I can see ♪ 122 00:04:09,420 --> 00:04:11,882 ♪ this beautiful, beautiful ♪ No! 123 00:04:11,882 --> 00:04:14,925 ♪ new and shining ♪ 124 00:04:14,925 --> 00:04:16,557 [ music stops ] No, tanner! 125 00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:17,988 You're not Doing it right! 126 00:04:17,988 --> 00:04:19,830 Your dance moves Just aren't hot. 127 00:04:19,830 --> 00:04:20,931 We all quit! 128 00:04:20,931 --> 00:04:23,033 Even tanner can see This dance stinks, 129 00:04:23,033 --> 00:04:24,635 And she's legally blind. 130 00:04:24,635 --> 00:04:27,438 Guys, stay! We can do this thing! 131 00:04:27,438 --> 00:04:28,939 [ sighs ] 132 00:04:28,939 --> 00:04:32,603 This was the year We were gonna win. 133 00:04:32,603 --> 00:04:35,306 Don't get involved. 134 00:04:35,306 --> 00:04:37,708 [ crying softly ] 135 00:04:37,708 --> 00:04:42,383 Don't... Get involved. 136 00:04:46,757 --> 00:04:48,489 Damn it. 137 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,864 So this is what's on The other side 138 00:04:53,864 --> 00:04:55,666 Of the door That gets slammed. 139 00:04:55,666 --> 00:04:57,828 Abby, I have to tell you A big secret 140 00:04:57,828 --> 00:04:59,570 That has been kept From you. 141 00:04:59,570 --> 00:05:01,702 I knew it. I'm adopted, right? 142 00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,974 It's the only thing That makes sense. 143 00:05:03,974 --> 00:05:06,306 I mean, How else do you explain 144 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,539 That I'm adorable, blond, And fun 145 00:05:08,539 --> 00:05:10,941 And the rest of the family Is just, well... 146 00:05:10,941 --> 00:05:12,543 No, you're not adopted. 147 00:05:12,543 --> 00:05:15,846 In fact, you and I have More in common than you think. 148 00:05:15,846 --> 00:05:18,949 Behold my past. 149 00:05:18,949 --> 00:05:22,092 You did preteen dance? 150 00:05:22,092 --> 00:05:25,696 Holy sugar. 151 00:05:25,696 --> 00:05:29,329 I think I have figured out This bev bag idea. 152 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,632 Honey, Don't distract me. 153 00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:32,933 I'm about to ambush raithra. 154 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:35,105 He thinks he's meeting me To trade dexterity potions, 155 00:05:35,105 --> 00:05:36,867 But I'm gonna kill him Instead. 156 00:05:36,867 --> 00:05:38,439 Okay, marty, What is going on? 157 00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:39,610 Is this "Freaky friday"? 158 00:05:39,610 --> 00:05:41,442 Is there a 10-year-old nerd Out there 159 00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:43,674 Pretending to be A 40-year-old diaper salesman? 160 00:05:43,674 --> 00:05:45,075 Hello, weavers! 161 00:05:45,075 --> 00:05:46,847 Ooh, hey, guys. 162 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:49,820 I think I have actually made The wine purse. 163 00:05:49,820 --> 00:05:50,921 Oh. 164 00:05:50,921 --> 00:05:53,123 Okay, "Shark tank," Here I -- 165 00:05:53,123 --> 00:05:54,485 Oh. Oh! 166 00:05:54,485 --> 00:05:56,356 Darn it! It's official. 167 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,989 I'm an idiot, And my idea does not work. 168 00:05:58,989 --> 00:06:00,531 Yes, you are. Yes, it does. 169 00:06:00,531 --> 00:06:01,692 It does. 170 00:06:01,692 --> 00:06:03,594 Presenting... 171 00:06:03,594 --> 00:06:05,636 The -- The bev bag. 172 00:06:05,636 --> 00:06:06,497 [ gasps ] 173 00:06:06,497 --> 00:06:07,738 We pulled An all-nighter. 174 00:06:07,738 --> 00:06:09,069 I kept playing "Shark tank." 175 00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:10,941 I was judging things For hours -- 176 00:06:10,941 --> 00:06:13,544 The kids, the neighbors, Our furniture. 177 00:06:13,544 --> 00:06:14,875 Wow! 178 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,747 Don't love pinot, but wow! 179 00:06:16,747 --> 00:06:18,479 Your baby Is "Shark tank" ready. 180 00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:19,710 Oh, I don't know. 181 00:06:19,710 --> 00:06:21,882 Maybe there's some kind of Online application, 182 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:24,785 Hypothetically, at "Shark tank" Backslash contestant 183 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:26,917 Forward slash Application. 184 00:06:26,917 --> 00:06:28,759 I might have been on the site A thousand times. 185 00:06:28,759 --> 00:06:29,990 Marty, need your laptop. 186 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:31,722 But I'm about to put an end To raithra's reign. 187 00:06:31,722 --> 00:06:33,794 You're about to put an end To your sex life 188 00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:35,796 If you do not Stop talking about raithra. 189 00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:36,797 Fine. 190 00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:38,769 Oh, hey, guys. When did you get here? 191 00:06:38,769 --> 00:06:39,970 Here you go. Okay. 192 00:06:39,970 --> 00:06:42,733 Oh, the keys are all sweaty. 193 00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:45,836 Okay. So, here we go. 194 00:06:45,836 --> 00:06:48,739 "Shark tank" airs on abc On friday nights 195 00:06:48,739 --> 00:06:51,812 After blah-blah-blah Blah-blah blah-blah. 196 00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:53,584 There's the application. 197 00:06:53,584 --> 00:06:55,986 "Due to overwhelming response, 'shark tank' will no longer 198 00:06:55,986 --> 00:06:57,488 Accept applications This season." 199 00:06:57,488 --> 00:07:00,521 "Please check back again In six months." 200 00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:01,752 Sorry, honey. 201 00:07:01,752 --> 00:07:03,954 I just felt I was getting So close to my dream. 202 00:07:03,954 --> 00:07:06,527 Indeed. Your failures must Feel redundant at some point. 203 00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,959 Hey, larry, That's very insensitive. 204 00:07:08,959 --> 00:07:11,001 So, you don't Need that anymore, right? 205 00:07:11,001 --> 00:07:13,003 All right. Take it. All right. 206 00:07:13,003 --> 00:07:14,104 Tsk. Oh! 207 00:07:14,104 --> 00:07:16,967 You were miss preteen dance State champ? 208 00:07:16,967 --> 00:07:19,039 My world is upside down. 209 00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:22,012 And then I realized The error of my ways. 210 00:07:22,012 --> 00:07:23,614 Quit now. 211 00:07:23,614 --> 00:07:24,745 You are a woman, abby. 212 00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:26,146 You should be aiming higher Than a tutu. 213 00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,948 Run countries, Make medicine, 214 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:30,481 Add a level of civility To political discourse. 215 00:07:30,481 --> 00:07:31,722 I'm 7. 216 00:07:31,722 --> 00:07:33,784 And if you hated it so much, 217 00:07:33,784 --> 00:07:36,587 Why'd you hang on To all this stuff? 218 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,130 [ sighs ] 219 00:07:40,130 --> 00:07:41,662 Okay, fine. 220 00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:42,693 I'll help. 221 00:07:42,693 --> 00:07:44,034 But come sunday, 222 00:07:44,034 --> 00:07:45,566 We go back to ignoring Each other. 223 00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,498 Meet me down in the garage 224 00:07:47,498 --> 00:07:50,671 First thing tomorrow morning At noon...Ish. 225 00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:51,602 [ grunting ] 226 00:07:51,602 --> 00:07:53,073 Marty, Enough with the games! 227 00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:55,145 Start the grill. It's almost dinner. 228 00:07:55,145 --> 00:07:57,047 I'm about to slay A level-8 elf king. 229 00:07:57,047 --> 00:07:59,750 Oh, well, I'm about to hire A level-9 divorce lawyer. 230 00:07:59,750 --> 00:08:01,752 Debbie, guess -- 231 00:08:01,752 --> 00:08:03,654 Guess who's going On "Shark tank"? 232 00:08:03,654 --> 00:08:04,655 What? 233 00:08:04,655 --> 00:08:06,086 Husband, You streamrolled me again. 234 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:07,958 I wanted to be the one To tell her. 235 00:08:07,958 --> 00:08:09,089 What about The six-month wait? 236 00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:11,021 Yes, well, it's -- It was so easy. 237 00:08:11,021 --> 00:08:13,994 All we did was check back Onto the website. Oh, that was easy. 238 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,226 And then I -- And then I got The producer's name. 239 00:08:16,226 --> 00:08:17,728 Uh-oh. 240 00:08:17,728 --> 00:08:19,630 And then hacked Into the I.R.S. Mainframe 241 00:08:19,630 --> 00:08:20,701 To get his home number. 242 00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:22,202 Oh, god! 243 00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:24,234 And then I explained That you're about to be 244 00:08:24,234 --> 00:08:25,606 Redeployed to afghanistan, 245 00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:27,107 And I may or may not Have mentioned, 246 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,709 In no particular order, 247 00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:30,781 Tornado, hurricane, And dialysis. 248 00:08:30,781 --> 00:08:33,984 Anyway -- voilà -- You are on "Shark"... 249 00:08:33,984 --> 00:08:35,185 "Tank." 250 00:08:35,185 --> 00:08:37,918 I did all of this For my best friend's dream, 251 00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:39,920 And you leave me "Tank." 252 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:43,594 I'm gonna be On "Shark tank"! 253 00:08:43,594 --> 00:08:45,556 [ both squealing ] 254 00:08:45,556 --> 00:08:46,196 Oh! 255 00:08:46,196 --> 00:08:47,127 [ laughing ] 256 00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:48,929 Okay, okay. That's -- okay. 257 00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:49,860 Oh, wow! 258 00:08:53,864 --> 00:08:56,907 Hello, sharks. I am debbie weaver, and I'm... 259 00:08:56,907 --> 00:08:58,869 [ chuckles ] 260 00:08:58,869 --> 00:09:00,010 What am I doing? 261 00:09:00,010 --> 00:09:01,541 Sorry. Do-over. 262 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,244 This shark's not biting. I'm out. Shut up, larry. 263 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:06,216 Why was I dragged down here For this? 264 00:09:06,216 --> 00:09:07,718 Debbie. Debbie. 265 00:09:07,718 --> 00:09:09,580 Try explaining the purse. Okay, yeah. 266 00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:11,682 So, it's yellow... 267 00:09:11,682 --> 00:09:14,755 And we did piping... 268 00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:19,189 With contrast stitching Here and here. 269 00:09:19,189 --> 00:09:20,661 Also, here. 270 00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:23,894 Then the edge, We did stitching here. 271 00:09:23,894 --> 00:09:26,036 Larry: Oh, it's so boring! 272 00:09:26,036 --> 00:09:27,337 It's too much explanation. 273 00:09:27,337 --> 00:09:29,740 This shark needs Something meatier. I'm out. 274 00:09:29,740 --> 00:09:30,901 Marty: I'm in. 275 00:09:30,901 --> 00:09:32,242 Tell me more about The stitching, baby. 276 00:09:32,242 --> 00:09:35,245 Not -- not too much more, But just a little bit more. 277 00:09:35,245 --> 00:09:36,747 Go ahead. 278 00:09:36,747 --> 00:09:38,649 So... 279 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:41,852 [ sighs ] I know I'm bad. 280 00:09:41,852 --> 00:09:43,884 You did all the work, You get me on the show, 281 00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:46,586 And I can't even do My stupid part. Debbie weaver... 282 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,689 I did not build That purse... I built the purse. 283 00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:51,261 ...Nor craft A wonderful lie... I told the lie. 284 00:09:51,261 --> 00:09:54,364 ...Just so that you Could blow it. She's not gonna blow it. 285 00:09:54,364 --> 00:09:57,067 Stop feeling pressure, And do it like this -- 286 00:09:57,067 --> 00:09:58,228 Hello, sharks. 287 00:09:58,228 --> 00:10:00,701 I'm housewife debbie weaver, And I love wine, 288 00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:02,733 And I love movies, 289 00:10:02,733 --> 00:10:05,706 And now I can love them both At the same time. 290 00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:07,808 Ready to have Your lives changed? 291 00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:10,681 A [bleep] Talking dog Could do this. 292 00:10:10,681 --> 00:10:11,742 Wait. Say that again. 293 00:10:11,742 --> 00:10:13,714 A [bleep] Talking dog Could do this. 294 00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:14,915 No, larry, The sales pitch. 295 00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:17,187 You're really good At this. He really is. 296 00:10:17,187 --> 00:10:19,149 Oh, my god. I can't believe I'm gonna say this, 297 00:10:19,149 --> 00:10:21,191 But, larry, you should Go on "Shark tank" with me. 298 00:10:21,191 --> 00:10:22,793 And I can't believe I'm going to say this, 299 00:10:22,793 --> 00:10:24,624 But I think you're finally right About something. 300 00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:29,629 Okay, no solo dancer has won A team dance competition 301 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:30,761 Since, well, me. 302 00:10:30,761 --> 00:10:31,932 What did you do? 303 00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:33,734 And a slide... 304 00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:35,065 And a swish and a sway 305 00:10:35,065 --> 00:10:36,166 And a turn... 306 00:10:36,166 --> 00:10:37,237 And pose! 307 00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:39,309 Just teach me that! Absolutely not. 308 00:10:39,309 --> 00:10:41,371 You're gonna do a dance That says something. 309 00:10:41,371 --> 00:10:42,673 Phones up. What you got? 310 00:10:42,673 --> 00:10:44,845 How about "Call me maybe"? 311 00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:46,847 Perfect. A song that says, "I'm just a girl 312 00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,919 Waiting for another guy To call me...Maybe." 313 00:10:48,919 --> 00:10:50,050 Taylor swift? 314 00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:51,381 Justin bieber? 315 00:10:51,381 --> 00:10:52,723 You're killing me. 316 00:10:52,723 --> 00:10:54,424 I'll solve Your music issue later. 317 00:10:54,424 --> 00:10:56,326 Show me your best moves. [ beep ] 318 00:10:56,326 --> 00:10:58,088 ♪ you make me feel so special ♪ 319 00:10:58,088 --> 00:11:00,230 ♪ you make me feel like Someone else, you do ♪ 320 00:11:00,230 --> 00:11:01,962 ♪ uh-huh, yeah ♪ 321 00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:03,734 ♪ every time you're near me ♪ 322 00:11:03,734 --> 00:11:04,835 ♪ yeah, uh-huh, oh ♪ 323 00:11:04,835 --> 00:11:07,197 [ beep ] Okay, so the opposite Of that. 324 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,300 You look great, babe. 325 00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:12,202 You sure you don't want me To come? 326 00:11:12,202 --> 00:11:13,874 Nah. Stay home with the kids. 327 00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:15,675 I'm feeling Enough pressure. 328 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,908 Hey, come on, listen. I want you to enjoy this. 329 00:11:17,908 --> 00:11:20,751 This is your favorite show, And you're gonna be on it, huh? 330 00:11:20,751 --> 00:11:22,012 How cool is that? 331 00:11:22,012 --> 00:11:23,453 Is this really stupid? 332 00:11:23,453 --> 00:11:27,087 Baby, the only stupid thing You've ever done was marry me. 333 00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,459 Aw, handsome and sweet. [ smooches ] 334 00:11:29,459 --> 00:11:31,862 Marty, do not waste Your whole day on that game. 335 00:11:31,862 --> 00:11:32,993 I sure won't, babe. 336 00:11:35,225 --> 00:11:37,427 [ "Old time rock and roll" plays ] 337 00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:45,705 [ dramatic music playing ] 338 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,308 Where are you, raithra? 339 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:49,840 Two minutes, everyone. Two minutes. 340 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,312 Debbie, do the introduction For me again, 341 00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:53,814 Exactly as I told you. 342 00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:55,916 Hello, sharks. 343 00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:57,487 I'm debbie weaver. 344 00:11:57,487 --> 00:11:59,119 I was hoping That you would take 345 00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:00,791 A shark bite Out of my business. 346 00:12:00,791 --> 00:12:01,952 Oh, no. 347 00:12:01,952 --> 00:12:04,755 You get progressively worse With every try. 348 00:12:04,755 --> 00:12:06,126 You're like M. Night shyamalan. 349 00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:07,457 Husband! You're streamrolling debbie 350 00:12:07,457 --> 00:12:09,359 And taking everything over Like you do with me. 351 00:12:09,359 --> 00:12:11,031 I'm debbie weaver. 352 00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:13,203 That sounds normal, Right, sharks? 353 00:12:13,203 --> 00:12:14,765 I don't know What you're talking about. You. 354 00:12:14,765 --> 00:12:16,736 Debbie weaver, sharks. Debbie -- debbie weaver. This! 355 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,009 I have half a mind to go Out there and make sure That you let debbie speak. 356 00:12:19,009 --> 00:12:20,941 Oh, my god. That is so weird. 357 00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,342 I have a horrible name! 358 00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:24,144 Oh, you want to go On "Shark tank," also? 359 00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:25,515 Fine. I don't care. 360 00:12:25,515 --> 00:12:27,747 Look, the only reason I'm here Is so I can become a shark. 361 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:28,478 Who would name me that? 362 00:12:28,478 --> 00:12:30,120 "Debbie" -- uhh! "Debbie." 363 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:31,782 You wouldn't be here If it wasn't for me. 364 00:12:31,782 --> 00:12:33,083 I made the purse, 365 00:12:33,083 --> 00:12:36,326 And I came up with The dialysis/tornado backstory. 366 00:12:36,326 --> 00:12:37,387 Oh, my god! 367 00:12:37,387 --> 00:12:39,529 I am going On national television 368 00:12:39,529 --> 00:12:40,861 With these people 369 00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:42,162 To sell a wine purse. 370 00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,064 What the hell Was I thinking? 371 00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:45,235 Okay, guys, you're on. 372 00:12:45,235 --> 00:12:46,766 I'm debbie weaver! 373 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,039 See? Now you've made her nervous. All right. Come on. 374 00:12:49,039 --> 00:12:50,941 I'm debbie weaver! 375 00:12:50,941 --> 00:12:53,373 For the ninth time... My name is debbie weaver. I don't know these people. 376 00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:54,945 ...I didn't know You wanted to go on the show. 377 00:12:54,945 --> 00:12:56,947 That is because You're always talking. 378 00:12:56,947 --> 00:12:58,949 My name is debbie weaver. No. If you had told that to me, I might have answered. 379 00:12:58,949 --> 00:13:01,551 My name is debbie weaver. My name is debbie weaver. You just assumed that I... 380 00:13:01,551 --> 00:13:02,482 My name -- 381 00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:06,917 Barbara: you know, I know this can be confusing, 382 00:13:06,917 --> 00:13:08,158 But when that door opens, 383 00:13:08,158 --> 00:13:09,990 You're supposed to walk Through it. 384 00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:12,792 And walk through it We shall. 385 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:13,824 [ gasps ] 386 00:13:13,824 --> 00:13:15,795 All: hello, sharks. 387 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,497 I'm webbie deaver. 388 00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:18,829 No, wait. 389 00:13:18,829 --> 00:13:20,831 I'm out. 390 00:13:24,574 --> 00:13:25,505 Uh, sharks... 391 00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:27,807 Yes, webbie, say something. 392 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,409 Oh, yeah, I was nervous back there. 393 00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:31,481 My name is actually webbie. Oh, god. 394 00:13:31,481 --> 00:13:32,442 Enough. 395 00:13:32,442 --> 00:13:34,444 I have a product today 396 00:13:34,444 --> 00:13:37,317 That will revolutionize All things -- 397 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,549 A purse meets wine. 398 00:13:39,549 --> 00:13:42,352 Behold the wurse. 399 00:13:42,352 --> 00:13:44,424 Jackie: what? Debbie: when did we Change the name to the wurse? 400 00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:47,157 No, it's not the wurse. It's the bev bag. 401 00:13:47,157 --> 00:13:48,458 This is going great, guys. 402 00:13:48,458 --> 00:13:49,900 I ask you, sharks, 403 00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:52,432 How many times Have you tried to sneak a drink 404 00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:55,035 Into a movie theater Only to get caught? 405 00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:56,336 Well, with the wurse, 406 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,109 You can put the wine In the lining 407 00:13:59,109 --> 00:14:01,211 And no one will be Any the wiser. 408 00:14:01,211 --> 00:14:02,913 All right, sharks. 409 00:14:02,913 --> 00:14:04,514 Commence fighting over me. 410 00:14:04,514 --> 00:14:06,516 The wurse, huh? 411 00:14:06,516 --> 00:14:09,079 And it helps sneak drinks Into a movie theater? Exactly. 412 00:14:09,079 --> 00:14:11,151 You do know I own a chain Of movie theaters, right? 413 00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:12,622 Ooh. I beg your pardon? 414 00:14:12,622 --> 00:14:15,926 And you do realize that The number-one profit center 415 00:14:15,926 --> 00:14:18,458 In a movie theater Is the concessions, right? 416 00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:20,490 Ooh. So now you're asking me 417 00:14:20,490 --> 00:14:21,861 To invest in a company 418 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,264 That takes money away From my other companies? 419 00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:26,496 Th-- that would be absurd. 420 00:14:26,496 --> 00:14:28,999 Well, Answer him, webbie. 421 00:14:28,999 --> 00:14:30,640 He's talking to you. 422 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,103 I mean, You come into our tank 423 00:14:33,103 --> 00:14:36,476 With something That's just not thought through. 424 00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,578 I don't know about you guys, But I'm out. 425 00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,110 What the hell is going on? 426 00:14:40,110 --> 00:14:42,352 Oh. 427 00:14:42,352 --> 00:14:43,613 [ grunting, laughing ] 428 00:14:43,613 --> 00:14:45,455 No. No, come on. Don't kill me. 429 00:14:45,455 --> 00:14:47,217 No, don't kill me. No. No! No! 430 00:14:47,217 --> 00:14:48,258 Damn you, raithra! 431 00:14:48,258 --> 00:14:49,389 Die! 432 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,891 Dick: whoo! 433 00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:59,099 [ gasps ] 434 00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:00,300 Raithra? 435 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:03,233 Lord varquad? 436 00:15:03,233 --> 00:15:07,077 So, my number-one enemy 437 00:15:07,077 --> 00:15:09,079 Was right next door This whole time, huh? 438 00:15:09,079 --> 00:15:11,181 It's like something Out of "Homeland" 439 00:15:11,181 --> 00:15:13,483 But without all the claire danes Histrionics. 440 00:15:13,483 --> 00:15:15,345 And you had no idea It was me 441 00:15:15,345 --> 00:15:17,447 You were killing Again and again and again? 442 00:15:17,447 --> 00:15:19,689 No, in fact, it was so easy, I thought I was killing 443 00:15:19,689 --> 00:15:21,421 Some sort of Learning-disabled toddler. 444 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:24,995 I guess I could kiss my dream Of clearing this game goodbye. 445 00:15:24,995 --> 00:15:27,697 Unless we stopped fighting Each other and worked as a team 446 00:15:27,697 --> 00:15:30,160 And see if we can clear The entire game. 447 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:33,463 Well, that would be Sort of cheating, dick. 448 00:15:33,463 --> 00:15:36,406 But "Sort of cheating" Is my middle name. 449 00:15:36,406 --> 00:15:38,068 Marty "Sort of cheating" Weaver? 450 00:15:38,068 --> 00:15:39,709 Suddenly, My middle name ain't so bad. 451 00:15:39,709 --> 00:15:41,011 Why? What's your middle name? 452 00:15:41,011 --> 00:15:42,112 Beef. 453 00:15:43,413 --> 00:15:44,374 [ applause ] 454 00:15:44,374 --> 00:15:45,515 You're really good. 455 00:15:45,515 --> 00:15:48,278 I'm never gonna remember All the steps. 456 00:15:48,278 --> 00:15:49,479 What am I doing?! 457 00:15:49,479 --> 00:15:51,121 Abby, I'd like to make you Feel better, 458 00:15:51,121 --> 00:15:52,552 But, honestly, You're one girl trying to win 459 00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,154 A team-dance competition 460 00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:56,426 With a feminist assault On the princess myth 461 00:15:56,426 --> 00:15:57,627 We made up a few hours ago. 462 00:15:57,627 --> 00:15:59,029 It could go either way. 463 00:15:59,029 --> 00:16:00,690 Come on. You're up. 464 00:16:00,690 --> 00:16:03,433 [ judges arguing indistinctly ] Okay. All right. You know what? Stop. 465 00:16:03,433 --> 00:16:04,664 Just stop. 466 00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:06,536 Larry: I couldn't have Said it better. "Stop." 467 00:16:06,536 --> 00:16:08,368 We hate your idea, And we're all out. 468 00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:10,740 Okay, larry, knock it off. Not about you. 469 00:16:10,740 --> 00:16:12,302 This is my dream. 470 00:16:12,302 --> 00:16:14,974 It's really amazing that You still have a dream, soldier, 471 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,606 After everything You've been through. 472 00:16:16,606 --> 00:16:19,649 A hurricane, tornado, Dialysis machine. 473 00:16:19,649 --> 00:16:21,411 Simply amazing. Jackie: indeed. 474 00:16:21,411 --> 00:16:23,383 So, sharks, Won't you open your hearts 475 00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:25,715 And buy this resilient soldier's Product? 476 00:16:25,715 --> 00:16:28,358 I'm not a soldier. 477 00:16:28,358 --> 00:16:32,522 And I have not survived A myriad of diseases 478 00:16:32,522 --> 00:16:34,394 And natural disasters. 479 00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,096 Uh, jackie's my best friend, 480 00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,628 And she was just trying To help me make this happen. 481 00:16:38,628 --> 00:16:40,100 Sharks, can we agree 482 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,402 That this is the weirdest pitch We've ever seen? 483 00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:44,334 Ridiculous. Robert, This is dumber than 484 00:16:44,334 --> 00:16:46,005 The solar-powered Roller skates. Robert: oh, yeah. 485 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,237 It's worse. [ laughs ] 486 00:16:47,237 --> 00:16:48,538 Look, I, um -- 487 00:16:48,538 --> 00:16:51,441 I'm just a regular Stay-at-home mom, 488 00:16:51,441 --> 00:16:54,484 And I took myself out Of the workforce 15 years ago, 489 00:16:54,484 --> 00:16:57,087 And today was gonna be My way back in. 490 00:16:57,087 --> 00:17:00,120 But then I brought A crazy man with me, 491 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:04,424 Because sometimes I don't have The confidence to do it alone. 492 00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:06,296 I'm gonna make you An offer. Are you out of your mind? 493 00:17:06,296 --> 00:17:07,327 Are you crazy? Not at all. 494 00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:08,758 I'm going to make you An offer. 495 00:17:08,758 --> 00:17:10,160 It's a terrible idea, 496 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,362 And you did a horrific job Presenting here today. 497 00:17:12,362 --> 00:17:14,364 What I see in you Is a mom 498 00:17:14,364 --> 00:17:16,206 Trying to return To the workforce, 499 00:17:16,206 --> 00:17:17,367 And I respect you For that. 500 00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:20,310 So I'm going to give you A terrific offer. 501 00:17:20,310 --> 00:17:22,342 I'm gonna give you My advice. 502 00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:23,513 Okay. 503 00:17:23,513 --> 00:17:25,475 I think you ought to go To business school, 504 00:17:25,475 --> 00:17:26,646 Learn some skills, 505 00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:28,348 And get a little confidence Under your belt. 506 00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:30,720 When you graduate from School, I want to meet With you personally. 507 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:33,283 I'm gonna give you my number, And together, 508 00:17:33,283 --> 00:17:35,185 We're gonna figure out The right business for you. 509 00:17:35,185 --> 00:17:36,726 Really?! Yes, really. 510 00:17:36,726 --> 00:17:39,189 I'm gonna make you so rich! Don't worry about that. 511 00:17:39,189 --> 00:17:40,390 I'm already rich. 512 00:17:40,390 --> 00:17:42,061 [ chuckles ] 513 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,394 ♪♪♪ 514 00:17:44,394 --> 00:17:47,367 ♪ tale as old as time ♪ 515 00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,771 ♪ true as it can be ♪ 516 00:17:54,544 --> 00:17:57,607 ♪ barely even friends ♪ 517 00:17:57,607 --> 00:18:01,611 ♪ than somebody bends Unexpectedly ♪ 518 00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:06,486 ♪ both a little scared ♪ 519 00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:09,389 ♪ neither one prepared ♪ 520 00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:11,421 ♪ beauty and the beast ♪ 521 00:18:11,421 --> 00:18:14,424 [ rock music plays ] 522 00:18:37,847 --> 00:18:40,450 [ song ends ] 523 00:18:40,450 --> 00:18:42,522 [ applause ] 524 00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:46,356 [ cheering ] 525 00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:48,898 Marty: let me see. 526 00:18:48,898 --> 00:18:51,261 [ chuckles ] I am so proud of you, baby. 527 00:18:51,261 --> 00:18:53,803 Wait a minute. Wasn't I Supposed to take you to this? 528 00:18:53,803 --> 00:18:55,405 Amber took care of it. 529 00:18:55,405 --> 00:18:56,566 Amber, hey. 530 00:18:56,566 --> 00:18:58,438 If your mother asks, I drove you. 531 00:18:58,438 --> 00:18:59,639 [ door opens ] Debbie: we're back! 532 00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,171 There she is -- 533 00:19:01,171 --> 00:19:02,642 My business-school superstar. Come here. 534 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,274 I know. Right? 535 00:19:04,274 --> 00:19:06,376 Oh, barbara Was so sweet to me. Tell me everything. 536 00:19:06,376 --> 00:19:08,548 Yes, larry, why don't you tell Them everything, as usual? 537 00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:09,579 Larry: fine. 538 00:19:09,579 --> 00:19:11,581 I'm an unemployed Waste of space, 539 00:19:11,581 --> 00:19:14,554 And you're the only reason We got that far. 540 00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:16,686 I should have Listened to you more. 541 00:19:16,686 --> 00:19:19,459 Then why do you always Cut me off?! Because -- 542 00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:20,690 I'm sorry. 543 00:19:20,690 --> 00:19:23,933 With all my bluster, The sharks didn't want me. 544 00:19:23,933 --> 00:19:25,565 Oh, but someone will. 545 00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:26,766 You'll find your job, 546 00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:29,339 And until then, I'll make the money. 547 00:19:29,339 --> 00:19:30,540 I've got your back. 548 00:19:30,540 --> 00:19:32,872 My oprah. 549 00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:34,404 Oh, my gayle. 550 00:19:34,404 --> 00:19:35,475 Oh, sweet. 551 00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:38,508 I'm gonna go burn something. 552 00:19:41,551 --> 00:19:43,253 So, it's sunday night. 553 00:19:43,253 --> 00:19:44,284 Yep. 554 00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:45,755 And we go back To ignoring each other. 555 00:19:45,755 --> 00:19:48,758 And you're sure we can't, You know, do other stuff? 556 00:19:48,758 --> 00:19:50,360 Here's the thing. 557 00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:53,323 You're 7. I'm 16. Those are big years. 558 00:19:53,323 --> 00:19:55,625 But before you know it, You're gonna be in college, 559 00:19:55,625 --> 00:19:58,368 And I'm gonna be In san francisco 560 00:19:58,368 --> 00:20:00,970 Running a small Independent bookstore, 561 00:20:00,970 --> 00:20:03,333 In a serious but not Claustrophobic relationship. 562 00:20:03,333 --> 00:20:04,674 Then you're gonna come Visit me, 563 00:20:04,674 --> 00:20:06,636 I'm gonna get you drunk For the first time, 564 00:20:06,636 --> 00:20:08,738 And then I'm gonna get Really mad at you 565 00:20:08,738 --> 00:20:09,979 When you throw up 566 00:20:09,979 --> 00:20:12,342 All over my brand-new Restoration hardware couch, 567 00:20:12,342 --> 00:20:14,414 Which my gay best friend Will help me clean. 568 00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:17,487 That sounds So totally awesome! 569 00:20:17,487 --> 00:20:20,550 I'm so lucky to have you As a sister. 570 00:20:20,550 --> 00:20:23,253 Abby, you got to take it down A notch, okay? 571 00:20:23,253 --> 00:20:24,724 Just be. 572 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:27,297 Right. Sorry. 573 00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:32,432 You're a cool kid, Abby weaver. 574 00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:34,264 When all is said and done, 575 00:20:34,264 --> 00:20:37,737 You might just wind up being The coolest weaver of us all. 576 00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,569 Cool? 577 00:20:39,569 --> 00:20:41,511 Cool. Whatever. 578 00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,814 Catch you in a decade. 579 00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:53,853 I'm just gonna show you How it works. 580 00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:55,585 This is the straw, So it just pops right out. 581 00:20:55,585 --> 00:20:56,986 Could I get a chair here, Please? 582 00:20:56,986 --> 00:20:58,528 Someone? Shark chair? 583 00:20:58,528 --> 00:21:01,461 And then you just suck it up Like that. 584 00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:03,593 Chihuahua! Caramba! This is a terrible idea. 585 00:21:03,593 --> 00:21:06,536 What an idiotic dream. Barbara: you look like You're on a breathing machine. 586 00:21:06,536 --> 00:21:07,767 [ chuckling ] Oh, barbara. 587 00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:09,899 That's An ugly-looking bag. 588 00:21:09,899 --> 00:21:11,341 How many have you sold? Zero. 589 00:21:11,341 --> 00:21:12,442 Oh. 590 00:21:12,442 --> 00:21:13,703 Well, that's well-made. 591 00:21:13,703 --> 00:21:15,004 Oh, my god. This sucks. How does it work? 592 00:21:15,004 --> 00:21:16,546 We could work On that part. 593 00:21:16,546 --> 00:21:18,448 You know what? I'm coming Back in so I can go out again. 594 00:21:18,448 --> 00:21:20,310 And you ought to get The hell out of here. 595 00:21:20,310 --> 00:21:21,050 Debbie: larry! Me? What -- 596 00:21:21,050 --> 00:21:22,281 Come on.